Fertility
How to support a loved one struggling with infertility
By Abbe Feder, fertility coach and founder of InCircle Fertility
Just like many painful life experiences, infertility is not easy to understand until you experience it directly, and even then it can turn life into a huge state of confusion.
As reproductive information and fertility complications are still often shrouded in shame and secrecy, most of us are not made aware of the struggles until it’s time to face it ourselves, at which point it can feel foreign and unrelatable.
The irony is, of course, that recent statistics in the United States say “among married women aged 15 to 49 years with no prior births, about one in five (19 per cent) are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying (infertility).
Also, about one in four (26 per cent) women in this group have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term (impaired fecundity).” Globally, that number is one in six.
More often than not – even when it’s “easy,” infertility can be a complicated and overwhelming journey. It is far from a straight line and if you are along for the ride, it is likely to be a highly turbulent one.
If you’re supporting someone struggling to conceive, or trying to comfort a loved one on the infertility struggle bus, you’re likely also feeling confused, helpless or frustrated. You are not expected to intuitively know what to do or how to do it and that is OK.
But to those of you taking the time to understand what your loved one is going through and how you can best support them in their time of need, your commitment to provide informed and thoughtful support is powerful, and it will make all the difference as they navigate one of the hardest periods of their life. THANK YOU.
My husband and I tried to become parents for six years, three of those with the help of science, medical professionals, drugs, and a lot of therapy. All of this and more.
What I’ve come to learn is that while infertility — and the pregnancy loss that often comes alongside — is an issue so many couples of our generation face (hello one in FIVE!), most of us could use some help learning how to talk about it and support people through it.
To make it simple, the single most important ground rule is: less talking, more listening. Here are five things you, a good and well-meaning friend or family member, might think is helpful, but…well, isn’t. Please don’t say:
1. Nothing.
Think of it this way: If I were grieving a different kind of loss, death of a loved one, for example, I’m sure you’d bring it up. Living with infertility is a daily dose of loss and grief, and you can be there for me by simply letting me know we can talk about it together.
What IS great to say:
Last time we spoke you were going through IVF. I realize you may not want to talk about it at all right now, but if you do I am here to listen.
2. “At least you know you can get pregnant.”
After four IUI treatments and three IVFs, we finally got pregnant – only to eventually miscarry. A lot of people thought they were comforting me by saying such a statement.
Of course, there is no guarantee that getting pregnant once, or even more than once, means you’ll carry a healthy baby to term in the future, EVER.
What IS great to say:
I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling. If you want to try to explain it to me, I am here – I see you. And if you don’t and you want to go eat ice cream and drink a bottle of wine, I’m here for that too.
3. “OMG my cousin’s best friend had like five IVFs and they now have two perfect kids!”
I think that people assume this offers me hope, but, truth is, I don’t care, because when I’m going through my own treatment and pain, no one else’s story matters.
What IS great to say:
Last time we spoke you were going through IVF. I realise you may not want to talk about it at all right now, but if you do, I am here to listen. (Are you seeing a pattern here?)
4. “Keep me posted.”
Instead of saying “keep me posted” or “let me know if you need anything,” just send me a text saying “thinking of you.” This stuff means the world.
What IS great to say:
Last time we spoke you were going through IVF. I realise you may not want to talk about it at all right now, but if you do I am here to listen.
5. “Just relax.”
People undergoing infertility treatment or mourning the loss of a pregnancy are not going to relax, and they’re definitely not going to do so because you told them to.
What IS great to say:
Just listen. That’s enough. Truly.
More than anything, your efforts to go the extra mile to further understand this chapter in your loved ones life is rare and deeply meaningful. True empathy and compassion is the greatest gift you can offer.
Abbe Feder is the founder and CEO of the fertility support platform InCircle Fertility.
Onto Health has acquired Levy Health, a fertility software company providing precision diagnostics and patient intake for reproductive medicine.
The acquisition, fuelled by Onto Health’s US$20m Series A fundraise in April, supports its plan to build scalable, tech-enabled infrastructure for reproductive medicine.
Onto founder Roohi Jeelani, MD, called it the first of several moves in the company’s expansion strategy in a LinkedIn post, adding that there was “more coming soon”.
She said: “This isn’t just an acquisition, it’s proof of how we’re building Onto: physician-led, tech-enabled, and built to scale without losing the personal touch fertility patients deserve.”
Headquartered in Chicago, Onto Health combines evidence-based fertility care with artificial intelligence-driven diagnostics, clinical automation and longevity science.
AI-driven diagnostics use software to analyse patient information and support clinical decision-making, rather than replace clinicians.
Levy Health, founded in Berlin with US offices in San Francisco, helps medical providers identify endocrine disorders more quickly and helps clinics streamline fertility workups.
Endocrine disorders affect the body’s hormone system, which can influence ovulation, menstrual cycles and fertility.
Co-founder Caroline Mitterdorfer said joining Onto would expand Levy Health’s fertility care tools to more clinics and patients, helping physicians focus on patient care.
Onto opened its first clinic in Chicago in February, with plans for three more in the greater Chicago area.
The company said in April that it would use its new funding, led by Artis and Humania, to support additional operations in the US and expand into the Gulf Cooperation Council.
The Gulf Cooperation Council includes six Arab states bordering the Persian Gulf.
Softening ageing ovaries could help women remain fertile for longer, early animal research suggests.
Fertility declines with age for several reasons, including poorer egg quality, fewer ovarian follicles and the gradual stiffening of ovarian tissue.
Existing fertility treatments, including hormone therapy and in vitro fertilisation, mainly address hormonal imbalances or help eggs mature or become fertilised.
Scientists are now examining whether changing the physical structure of the ovaries could provide another route for future fertility treatments.
Stuart A. Cook, of the Cardiovascular and Metabolic Disorders Programme at Duke-National University of Singapore Medical School, published an accompanying commentary on the research.
Researchers led by Shixuan Wang at Huazhong University of Science and Technology in Wuhan, China, collected healthy ovarian tissue from younger, middle-aged and older women.
They also examined samples from patients with polycystic ovary syndrome, known as PCOS, premature ovarian insufficiency, or POI, and endometriosis.
PCOS is a hormonal condition that can disrupt ovulation. POI occurs when the ovaries stop working normally before the age of 40, while endometriosis causes tissue similar to the womb lining to grow elsewhere in the body.
Tests of protein levels and gene activity found higher levels of the inflammatory protein interleukin-11, or IL-11, in ageing and diseased ovaries.
In laboratory experiments, the researchers exposed ovarian fibroblasts to IL-11. Fibroblasts are cells that produce connective tissue.
The protein caused the cells to produce excess collagen, a structural material that can build up during scarring and make tissue stiffer.
The researchers then genetically modified mice so they could not respond to IL-11. The animals developed less ovarian stiffening and maintained better ovarian function as they aged.
Similar results were seen in mouse models of PCOS and POI caused by chemotherapy.
In the final part of the experiment, older mice and rats were injected with a nanoparticle treatment containing small interfering RNA, or siRNA, designed to switch off IL-11.
The treatment made the animals’ ovaries less stiff and improved fertility.
Pregnancy rates among older mice rose from 25 per cent to 50 per cent, while average litter sizes also increased.
More rats treated with the therapy became pregnant and produced larger litters.
The approach remains highly speculative and will require considerably more research before its safety or effectiveness in women can be established.
However, the researchers said blocking the inflammatory pathway could eventually form the basis of new fertility treatments.
They said: “We propose that anti-IL-11 therapy represents a promising translational strategy for delaying ovarian ageing.”
W Group has opened applications for W Accelerate with Merck KGaA and M Ventures, inviting reproductive and maternal health startups, scaleups and spinouts to pitch for direct access to global pharma partnership and strategic investment.
Selected companies will pitch on 5th October, competing for the chance to accelerate their growth through commercial partnerships, investment, or both.
This is the third time Merck KGaA, a global leader in reproductive health, has partnered with W Group on the programme, which exists to close the innovation and investment gap in women’s health by connecting the sector’s most promising startups directly with the corporates and investors positioned to scale them.
What Merck KGaA and M Ventures are looking for
This year’s call is focused on breakthrough solutions in female infertility, fertility preservation, adenomyosis, endometriosis, polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome (PMOS), ovarian insufficiency, preeclampsia and pregnancy comorbidities.
New for this round, applicants choose between three pathways depending on what they need from the programme:
- The Partnership Lane, for companies seeking commercial collaborations and strategic relationships
- The Investment Lane, for founders looking to connect with investors and secure funding to scale
- The Dual Lane, for innovators pursuing both partnership and investment opportunities
How the Accelerate event works
Selected companies get a 1:1 pitch practice session ahead of time, then a private 30-minute session with Merck KGaA and M Ventures leadership on the day itself, small-group sessions with regulatory and investment strategy experts, an “Ask Merck Anything” roundtable, and a VIP networking reception.
Key dates
- Open call launches: 8th July
- Open call closes: 2nd September
- Notification of successful companies: 11th September
- Pitch day: 5th October
Applications are open now at wplatform.typeform.com/to/KGzviBQM.
Fertility2 weeks agoWomen with PMOS should have annual NHS checks, new guidance says
Diagnosis1 week agoTwo “gamechanger” tests set to speed up endometriosis diagnosis on the NHS
News2 days agoNew menopause drug approved for use by NHS in Scotland
Cancer1 week agoThousands of women could avoid painful cancer exam with new AI blood test
News2 weeks agoBreast cancer biosensor and low-cost ultrasound startups win women’s health AI competition
Entrepreneur1 week agoApplications open for the third W Accelerate with Merck KGaA and M Ventures
News2 weeks agoClue spotlights seven women’s health journeys in new campaign
Fertility1 week agoOlder women face lower chance of fertility treatment working, even with donor eggs, study finds